Attack of the Mush: The Answer

The Answer

As an avid reader of my blog – a fan, dare I say, you probably know about the guy I once had a very interesting conversation with. Well, he remains ever so elusive when it comes to hanging out and meeting me for coffee. But for those who don’t know the story, read this. After months of chatting online and sometimes even on the phone we scheduled a meeting Dec 19, 2009. But alas, the day came and went and no meeting ever took place. I remember I sms’d him the day before the destined meeting asking if we were still “on” and he replied with something like, “I can’t blah, blah, blah, because some excuse, blah, blah, blah!” He promised. But I guess like anything else in the planet… nothing’s permanent --- especially words thrown to the wind. As they say, promises are made to be broken. And so it did. He did.

Perhaps on his blog entry about the same topic, on which he was contemplating whether to meet me or not, the NOT won. He wasn’t prepared. And he did disappoint. And so I ask myself, is it all worth it? Is all the waiting, longing, flirting and interesting conversations worth everything? And although I know the answer in my mind, my heart wants to prove me wrong otherwise. Maybe he was stuck in some national crisis that he needed to resolve. Maybe he went to a much needed mani-pedi. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was weak. Or maybe the conversations, interesting as it maybe were simply not enough. Oh well… ces’t la vie.

Moving on.

Another Saturday night in Malate proved to me that I am indeed getting old. Not only was I less (much less) of a drinker, I also had less fun dancing and listening to club music. Signs of aging as one friend pointed out. I have been going to Malate since I was 16 years old after all. For as long as I could remember, Malate was the only place where gay guys gather on a stressful week. It’s a place to hang-out, relax, meet old friends and gain new ones. Not to mention, a place to get all the meat you can get your hands on – so long as they’re willing. Mind you, gay guys can be really, really picky. Checklists? Gay guys probably have these as top three: (1) Hot --- smoking hot body. (2) To die for looks. (3) Mediocre brains. Now these are just general assumptions. It can vary depending on scale, percentage and statistics. As for me, I go there for friends --- just to be with friends. Gone are the days when hook-ups, Quick Fixes, and NSA-ONS are on the menu. I’ve been telling my friends, that if I reach 40 and I’m still hanging out in Malate to get laid, someone just put me out of my misery and shoot me.

Nevertheless, since I was already there I decided to take a look around and simply observe. And that I did. I saw this one guy who for all intent and purposes was there to get hooked-up. He was all over the place hoping, begging to be noticed. And after an hour or so, he finally proved successful when he was groping another guy – which was with another guy (a friend) later that evening. Talk about all aboard. I also saw familiar faces, those who are friends with the owners, or simply there every weekends. These are the social leeches that cling on the ladder to get noticed. They beso-beso with the “it” people hoping to be “it” themselves only to be later on trampled by the real socialites entering the club -- Pathetic, isn’t it? Then there are the friends of the owners who dance around like puppets on the whim of a master puppeteer. These are the college drop-outs with tons of money from their parents but zero English-speaking skills. The dumb blondes.

And so, it only proves how sad, very sad lives some if not most gay guys lead. They live for the moment only because the future seems bleak without a family to build. They hold no respect for themselves only because they think Malate is an appropriate place to be promiscuous. The everyone-does-it-so-it-must-be-good mentality.

Last Saturday I found my answer…

I call him Beh!

Kaganapan (Panimula)

Sumisikat na daw ang blog ko. Yihee! Baka naman isipin nyo nagmamayabang ako. Hindi noh! Medyo lang!

Eh kasi napansin ko lang na may chumichismis na sa blog ko. Nakatanggap na din ako ng mangilan-ngilang mensahe na sinasabing narinig na daw nila ang blog ko kung kanino man. Katunayan may natanggap akong mensahe kanina sa Facebook na nagpapatunay. May nagrekominda dawn g blog ko sa kanya. “Interesting” daw kasi ito. Hindi ko sigurado kung ano ang ibig nyang sabihin dito. Pero hindi ko na din tinanong. Para sa akin mahilig lang ako magsulat ng patungkol sa mga paksang nalalaman ko. Kalimitan nga lang ay sa pag-ibig.

At dahil na blanko ako sa pagsusulat buong November, gusto ko sanang bumawi sa pagsusulat ng tagalog ngayon December. Ito ang paunang salbo ko sa mga mangilan-ngilan kong taga subaybay at kung maari pa nga at tawaging tagahanga.

**KAGANAPAN**

Sa dinami-dami ng pagkakataong ako’y magsulat at mag update ng blog, hindi ko ito nagawa. Nakakahiya tuloy tawaging blogger ako kung hindi naman ako masipag magupdate. Marami-mari na ding naganap sa akin na karapat-dapat sanang ilathala ngunit/subalit/dadadapwat/pero, ang buong katotohanan ay, tinamad ako magsulat. Mas masarap na kasing matulog ngayon. Malamig at siguro ay tumatanda na din ako. Pero heto, susubukan ko pa din magsulat ng mga kaganapan sa akin nung nakaraang buwan.

Mauna ito sa lahat. May nakilala ako.

May nakilala akong karapat-dapat isulat. Si CLG. Una kami nagkasama dahil sa pambubuyo ng isang kaibigan. Isang nakakaloka at minsan nakakapikon sa pagka-talamak sa late na kaibigan. Architect nya daw ito sa kanyang pinapagawang bahay at dahil gusto nya uminom ng gabing iyon sinama nya na. Malagim ang gabing yun. Ang aking kaibigan ay nawasak ng todo. Nagpakalango sa alak at nalasing. Yung lasing na hindi na makatayo. Yung inom na parang pangkanto. Ganon.

Don nagsimula ang lahat. Sa painom-inom, na nauwi sa pagpunta at pagtulog nilang dalawa sa condo ko sa Mandaluyong. Ang masaklap pa nyan na pwersa ako magmaneho dahil sa kalasingan nya at yung si CLG naman ay hindi marunong mag-drive. Ayus di ba? Buti na lang at naalala ko pa yung pagaaral ko sa magmamaneho noon. Eh pitong taon din akong hindi gumalaw ng sasakyan, simula ng mabanga ako. Este, nung naatrasan ko pala ang kotse ng kapit-bahay naming papuntang school. Sa sobrang takot at kaba ko, din a ulit ako humawak ng sasakyan. Pero, ‘nak ng hueteng, wala ako nagawa ng gabing yun kaya pinaandar ko ang sasakyan sa bumubuhos na bagyo, bonggang baha, walang lisensya, mula San Juan hanggang Mandaluyong Executive (malapit na sa Makati) ng pinakamabilis na takbo at segunda.

Makalipas ang isang buwan ng una naming pagkakakilala. Ayun, magkakilala pa din kami. Marami pa akong iniisip bago ako tumalon sa balon kaya hinahayaan ko na lang munang magtampisaw. Malay natin baka bukas makalawa maramdaman ko na din.

-ITUTULOY-

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo